Life...or something like that
Checking mails, reading random blogs, opening seemingly interesting sites only to find nothing even remotely worth reading. The interesting sites have all been read and re-read, then getting on with work, subbing copies after copies, lamenting the same old facts everyday -- new intake not really committed to journalism, wrong decision-making at the top level, weighing chances of being shifted to the desired department. Its the same schedule everyday. Making pages at the end of the day, going home and sleeping. Not much of a routine, is it? I mean, its certainly not enviable.
I wonder what would hold my interest then? Doing a good story?
Taking some well-deserved time off?
From where I see, almost everyone has an exciting life. They are having fun. This is not to say that I don't love what I do, but I'm tired of it. Having done it for two straight years. For a little over two years, I was fretting over one thing or the other. Whether it was getting admission in the post-graduate institution of my choice, or getting a job or getting a nice job profile. All of that, thankfully, has been solved. There's a void now. I don't lose sleep over petty details of life anymore.
I dread the future and absolutely detest the present, leading to many a bouts of depression -- sometimes so intense that when I recover I'm ashamed of myself.
What is it that I'm yearning for so desperately? Is it deliverance in some form. If yes, then from what? My life isn't living hell. I want change. Although, I'm not quite sure of what. I think I want a different life. Yes, I think that's what is it. I want a different life. I want to be able to smile and laugh, without being scared anymore.
I wonder what would hold my interest then? Doing a good story?
Taking some well-deserved time off?
From where I see, almost everyone has an exciting life. They are having fun. This is not to say that I don't love what I do, but I'm tired of it. Having done it for two straight years. For a little over two years, I was fretting over one thing or the other. Whether it was getting admission in the post-graduate institution of my choice, or getting a job or getting a nice job profile. All of that, thankfully, has been solved. There's a void now. I don't lose sleep over petty details of life anymore.
I dread the future and absolutely detest the present, leading to many a bouts of depression -- sometimes so intense that when I recover I'm ashamed of myself.
What is it that I'm yearning for so desperately? Is it deliverance in some form. If yes, then from what? My life isn't living hell. I want change. Although, I'm not quite sure of what. I think I want a different life. Yes, I think that's what is it. I want a different life. I want to be able to smile and laugh, without being scared anymore.
8 Comments:
PS...it happens when u stay the same way u have been staying 4 the last 24 yrs of ur existance..but then it also depends a lot on ur attitude toward life..treat every new day as a blessing frm God and not as some another 24 hrs of ur life..set up new goal 4 the day..and i dont mean u going and jumping frm ur office roof..decide to have that nice guava slush we had..or a Mcdonald burger combo..or perhaos compliment ur boss on the shirt he is wearing..or perhaps call a lang lost frnf and talk bout school...and gossip..and remember fun is a state of mind..if u think u r enjoying u can enjoy even in the boiler room of Vikrant at 52 degrees and even sulk lying on the sandy beach of canary islands..so smile sweetheart
PS...it happens when u stay the same way u have been staying 4 the last 24 yrs of ur existance..but then it also depends a lot on ur attitude toward life..treat every new day as a blessing frm God and not as some another 24 hrs of ur life..set up new goal 4 the day..and i dont mean u going and jumping frm ur office roof..decide to have that nice guava slush we had..or a Mcdonald burger combo..or perhaos compliment ur boss on the shirt he is wearing..or perhaps call a lang lost frnf and talk bout school...and gossip..and remember fun is a state of mind..if u think u r enjoying u can enjoy even in the boiler room of Vikrant at 52 degrees and even sulk lying on the sandy beach of canary islands..so smile sweetheart
"almost everyone has an exciting life. They are having fun"
That's not how it is at all P. We're all sailing the same boat, you know. And I sure as hell don't see no exotic tropical island on the horizon.
But having people like you on the journey is a huge consolation :)
*tight hug*
PS: don't think so much.
You know I have been thinking that on some days when I am really idle. That I would like to throw the paper at my boss and just leave. And watch the fun. But damn it, I can't do it. As of yet. Maybe I should get married:)
Ottie is a bastard. Ottie is a bastard.Ottie is a bastard.Ottie is a bastard.Ottie is a bastard.Ottie is a bastard.Ottie is a bastard. Don't expect him to give you deliverance.Don't expect him to give you deliverance.Don't expect him to give you deliverance.Don't expect him to give you deliverance.Don't expect him to give you deliverance.Don't expect him to give you deliverance.Don't expect him to give you deliverance. You're barking up the wrong tree if you think so.You're barking up the wrong tree if you think so.You're barking up the wrong tree if you think so.You're barking up the wrong tree if you think so.You're barking up the wrong tree if you think so.You're barking up the wrong tree if you think so.You're barking up the wrong tree if you think so.
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Essar: What happened???? Anyways, I'll come back and you give me vthe lowdown on Ottie ;)
hey PS: long time ... hope all is well with you.
warm regards, SwB
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